Affair Recovery and Marriage Rebuilding
Affairs devastate the foundations of our lives and relationships. They destroy trust and throw a marriage, a relationship, into crisis. Conflicting and paradoxical emotions emerge and take over your life. You feel like you are on a roller coaster and can’t get off.
You scramble to regain any sense of control over your life.
If you caused the affair, you try to shut down how you feel because the guilt and shame can be overwhelming.
If you are the victim of an affair, the pain is so deep it is hard to even talk about it.
There is hope. Relief and healing is possible.
If you are committed, and want to make the relationship work, you two can make it through this. But not without help. You need a guide, someone to walk with you and show you the way. Someone to provide hope when it feels hopeless; someone to shine a light at the end of the tunnel when all you see is darkness. Affair recovery not only helps you through this time, but it enables you to restore your marriage and rebuild trust. Couples who come together, hold hands and go through this process will say they have a better marriage at the end than they ever had before. I know that is hard to even fathom at this stage, but it is possible.
You can stop hurting. You can trust again. You can save your marriage.
What Recovery Looks Like
- The revelation of an affair throws you personally and relationally into crisis. Nothing feels normal. Everything feels overwhelming. And you are afraid, in shock and scrambling to regain some sense of control over your life.
- In time the crisis will lessen, and things will settle down. This is when new emotions rise up and a deeper pain of what happened emerges. This is also when the offending partner might feel like things are better, but the one who was hurt is actually hurting even more.
- When you two come together and commit to saving and rebuilding your marriage, the real work starts. You begin to build a new foundation, and not just restore your relationship, but actually rebuild something new. You make sense out of what happened, and begin to trust one another again, and actually experience that trust in a deeper way than before. Nothing is off limits and you are building a marriage with full transparency and vulnerability.
- The last has to be experienced. This is where you have a better marriage than you did before. You feel closer, safer, more connected, and trust has returned. You have new habits, rhythms, and ways of relating and connecting. This is where people will say that their marriage is the best it has ever been. Believe it or not it can happen for you.
Affairs eliminate trust and rock the foundation of a marriage, throwing everyone into crisis. They fracture your view of reality, and lead you to question everything about your past and history together. The good news is that foundation can be rebuilt and trust can be regained.
“How could this happen? How did I not see this coming? I knew something was off, but I was afraid to say anything.”
Thoughts like these are normal after an affair has been revealed. Affairs force us to question everything, including ourselves and our identity and value and worth.